. Mardi Robyn Mardi Robyn

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Depression You are Defeated

My unwelcome enemy.
You are not my friend.
I hate you.

You ease your way into my day.
I wake up with your shadow looming
over me threatening to drown out the
joyous sunlight of my day.

You follow me everywhere I go.
You laugh at me.
You mock me.
You make me tired.
I feel weak from fighting.
You are a stupid feeling.
Go away.

You make me feel lonely.
Guilty without cause.

You have tried to become my norm.
But you are not my norm.
You are a worm.

A spineless coward who preys on the innocent,
the hurt, the abandoned,
the sick and the weak.

But I am not weak.
I am not abandoned.
I was sick, but I am alive.

You depression are full of lies.
You have robbed me long enough.
I am a child of God.
I matter.
I am victorious.
Your dark presence is not my fate.
I have no need to be sad.
You can't steal my joy.

You are a fraud. A thief. A terror.
My enemy. You are defeated.
You have no place in my life.
I belong to Jesus.
Greater is He that is in my than any of your foolishness.

I am tired of feeling lonely.
I have family and friends. I am not alone.

I am tired of sadness. Why should I be sad?
I am tired of feeling empty.
The Holy Spirit lives in me, I am not empty.
I am tired of feeling torn.
Through Christ I am made whole.
I am tired of feeling unworthy.
I am redeemed and worthy through my Jesus.
I am tired of feeling discouraged.
I am not friendless.
I have friends.
I am not where I want to be
But I am farther than I was.

Depression you are my enemy.
You do not control me.
You may be attacking my mind, and my body, but you are trespassing on a child of God.

From this day forward I am fighting you harder than ever before.
You depression are a loser.
I am tired of you hurting me and hurting my family and friends.

My familiar enemy.
You are not welcome here.
Go away, in Jesus name.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

A Rant When I Am Tired

*I typed this in August, but did not post it, until now.*

I am longing for adventure. My restless spirit is anxious to be set free. I am tired of being trapped in my own misery. Depression is an enemy. Panic is not my friend. Seizures are horrible. I want my life free of them.

I want to go as I please. Do as I please and not worry about the other three. I cannot drive right now because of seizures. This irritates me.  I long to go places and do things, but depression and anxiety make it hard. While I long to go, I feel numb and void. Almost lifeless. As if the thought of getting up and going anywhere is to much trouble. I do not have the energy to do so. Yet, I want to do so.

How long will this heartache hound me? How long must I fight the same never ending battle day after day night after night with no end in sight?  How long God how long? I cry, but I do not have an answer.

Stupid brain injury. I hate you! In less than two months I will be thirty. Thirty!  I have battled this nightmare since the age of twenty-five! Enough already my heart screams!

When I was twenty I had high hopes, goals and dreams for what my life would be like when I reached the age of thirty.  Married, children, further in my career. Singing on the road for God's glory. A book or two published. So many dreams!   None of them have come true. None of them are in sight.  Stupid brain injury!!

Am I throwing a pity party? Maybe. Am I fed up? Definitely.  Am I ready to fight? I have been. Constantly. Day after day, night after night since May 28th, 2012. 

*Finishing this writing, below on October 20, 2016*

The journey is hard. The journey is long, but I will keep fighting all day long. When night falls and sorrow comes darker than the night sky, I will keep fighting, I will keep moving on.  God is with me. I will not fail. I will not fall. I will not be defeated. The battle is long. The battle is hard, but with my Jesus I am making it, one day at a time.  One day I will see the end of this struggle, this heartache will be gone, until then I will keep moving on.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Foggy Morning

It is a foggy Sunday morning here in Mississippi. My first glance outside made me think this was going to be a dreary day. The longer I stood gazing outside at the foggy scene I began to see the beauty of the morning. A bird singing even though the fog is thick and the leaves on the trees are wet.

Sunlight peaked in through gray clouds. It is a beautiful sight after all.  It reminds me that even in the gloomy fog of depression there is always some little sparkle of hope if you look long enough. It is those moments that give you a little brightness, and remind you that you still have some courage left to carry on.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016


 (Photo found on Pinterest. Not my own.)

Depression is a horrible enemy.   I hate it.  I began struggling with a mild form of depression when I was a teenager, so mild that I could easily keep it hidden.  In 2004 when my family moved from Alabama to Mississippi I began feeling depressed and having mild anxiety attacks. Again I could keep it hidden, though it was harder this time then it was when I was fourteen and fifteen.  Fast forward to 2012.  Memorial Day of 2012 to be exact.  I wrecked a dirt bike. Hit my head multiply times. Was knocked out unconscious, quit breathing to the point of death. I was told I had a death seizure, my face and lips turned blue and I lay lifeless, until God is in wondrous love breathed life back into my body.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because I want to share my testimony of how good my God is. I want you to know that I am still struggling, but I am making it. I want you to have hope in the midst of your struggle.  I want to educate you on what depression is in case you are battling depression, or you know someone who is battling depression.  I am not looking for sympathy or attention. I am looking to help someone else.  Is my depression whipped? No.  However I believe talking about it may help another person.  There are days I do not want to talk about it, but today is not one of those days.  Today I feel inspired, I feel urged, I feel the need to let my voice be heard, if only for a little while, while you read this post.

First off, I want to tell you depression is not a weakness.  Depression is a mental illness.  You do not shun someone who has a cold, because common sense tells us a cold is an illness. Depression is an illness, though it's physical affects are not always as obvious as those of a common cold.   However, if you look hard enough or know a person well enough, depression can be easy to spot.

Depression is wanting to do things, but feeling like I do not have the energy to do them.  Some days the thought of getting out of bed and taking a shower feels so overwhelming. My body feels tired and I feel mentally drained, even if I just woke up from an eight hour nights sleep. It is in these moments when I have to talk myself into getting up and getting ready for the day. Because most often then not, it feels like I have worked twelve plus hours doing strenuous labor and don't want to do anything but lay down and sleep.  And that is before I take a shower.   After my shower I may feel a little bit revived as showers have a way of doing, but I still feel bleh for lack of a better definition.  Bleh may not be the most decorative or elaborate word in the English language, but if you have been there you know that it is most definitely an accurate definition.

I struggle with depression and anxiety. That is a double whammy.  Depression gives the excuses, anxiety motivates the excuses with fear.  I can talk myself into getting up and doing something that depression says I feel lifeless to do,  and anxiety blind sides me with fear of failure if I do what I decided I was going to do.   Read this graphic I found on Pinterest that explains what I mean very well.

 (Photo found on Pinterest. It is not my own.)

Did you read that?   "Anxiety and depression is.....feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb."    That phrase alone sums anxiety and depression up.   The entire description in the quote is accurate as well. I can relate to every word. 

Today I am experiencing a rough battle with depression and anxiety, maybe that is why I feel most raw and desperate to be real with you, to reach out and let someone reading this know you are not alone.   I am getting tired of expressing myself this openly right now, if you have depression and anxiety I know you understand that.  I will continue blogging about depression and anxiety as I feel able.  In the meantime I want to leave you with something I put on my Instagram and Facebook accounts earlier.   

God is bigger. I struggle with depression on a daily basis. Some days the fight seems so intense I become exhausted to the point of laying down for a while. This is not a weakness. Depression is a mental illness. I have a brain injury from a wreck.  Depression is a horrible illness. But it is in the midst of the fiercest battle when I am struggling to stay alive that I remember "God is Bigger." It is then that I call on Him and His sweet peace floods my soul and it is in His strength that I find the will to keep going.  

God is faithful.

God is bigger.

God is with you.


*Graphics are not mine. They are the sole property of their respectful owners. I do not claim ownership of the graphics. I found the graphics on Pinterest.*

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Coffee and Soda Charms

Looking for soda or coffee charms to add to your sweet treats jewelry? Take a look at the styles we

 Look at how cute these Pepsi inspired charms are! (Click the underlined name to shop!)

 Take a look at these old fashion coca cola bottle inspired charms!

 Cute coca cola can inspired charms! 

How about these cute coffee drink charms topped high with whipped cream and drizzled with chocolate syrup!

One of my favorite drink charms, these kawaii coffee cup charms.  Look at their happy faces!

These and other charms can be purchased on my website www.MardiRobyn.com  When searching for the drink charms when using the search engine on my website, type "Soda Charms."  When searching for the coffee charms, type "Coffee charms."  The charms are titled by those names instead of the their "brand inspired" names so that we do not infringe of any copyright laws since we are not affiliated with the companies themselves. Thus the reason we call these charms "brand inspired!" 

Happy Shopping!

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Charms and Cabochon Kits Bargain Sale

I was not able to go to sleep last night. Insomnia paid me a visit. Or maybe I was not sleepy from my nap yesterday...

Either way I was awake. So I decided to get out of bed and package orders to mail today, only I realized I am out of mailing envelopes so a trip to the store later this morning is on my agenda.

Since I could not package orders I decided to begin prepping for tonights sale on my Instagram shop account @MardiRobynSupplies. 

The picture above shows some of the prep work I did.

I am cleaning out shop craft supplies as well ad my personal craft supplies. I want to sale as much as possible before we move completely.

In this sale I will have charm sets, cabochon kits, charm bundles and canochon bundles at bargain prices! I am excited about this sale. 

One of the food themed cabochon bundles I put together. Almost gives me the urge to heat up a piece of leftover pizza stored in the refrigerator. 

If you are a jewelry making and/or cabochon craft supplier this sale is for you to!  You will find great deals on bulk items for bargain prices you can purchase and resell in your next sale.

I hope to see you there!  Have a great day!! 


Friday, June 24, 2016

Our Adventures in Moving

This motor home has been our home away from home since last October. 

My family and I are in the process of moving from Mississippi back to Alabama. We moved from Alabama to Mississippi in 2004, twelve years ago this August.

Before we bought the motor home, when we visited Alabama, we stayed in a hotel in Alabama that was near our land.

The motor home served its purpose. It has been fun staying in it. Sometimes I pretended I was on a tour bus, when I went to sleep I was travelling to my next venue for a gospel music concert. It is fun to dream. 

This Saturday will be two weeks since we spent the night for the first time in our new double wide home on our land in Alabama. We spent the night in it for three nights before returning to our home in Mississippi.

Wednesday we came back to Alabama. We were surprised to find that the workers for the mobile home lot we bought our home from had come back and put the skirting up around the mobile home while we were in Mississippi. It was a nice surprise to see that the job was finished.

I will say staying in a motor home though was an adventure. You have to make sure it is level when parked or else you feel like you are going to fall over walking in it. On one of our first trips staying in the RV, it was not level enough. I remember Daddy grilled hot dogs. Once inside he put a hot dog on his plate, sat the plate down to get bread and the hot dog rolled off onto the floor! 

That is just one of the many memories I have treasured in my mind from our adventures in our RV. Now it is parked away from our new home. What adventures awaits it, I do not know. But now the adventure in our new home has begun.

We are not completely moved.
We have a lot left to do, but memories are already being made and the adventures are looking grand. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Girls Raise Your Standards

Young girls use your brain! If he was interested in you he would pursue you. 

Don't be more clingy than saran wrap. Don't let your emotions and hormones cloud your view. 

You are worth being loved by someone who puts you first not someone who throws excuses and flirts with other females.

 No darling he isn't your dream. If he is, raise your standards and learn to value yourself better. 

Tired of seeing confused girls selling themselves short.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Diets Are Hard

Tonight I feel like a bottomless pit. I am craving loads of junk food. I have been doing good at limiting junk food and trying to eat healthier. My problem was I would either eat to much junk food or I would forget to eat and barely eat throughout the day.

I don't have an eating disorder. I simply get busy with other things and do not think about food until my stomach decides to holler at me in the form of growls because it wants to be fed.

Lately I have been drinking more water and gatorade and less Dr. Pepper.  I have cut out most junk food and try to eat twice a day, lunch and supper. With maybe a snack or two throughout the day. I am not much of a breakfast eater. 

I have lost close to fifteen pounds over the past month or so.  Recovering from a brain injury made me less active then normal. Now I am able to be active more often and for longer periods of time. Thank Jesus! 

A couple months ago I began taking a appetite suppressor pill prescribed by my Doctor. After I took the trial fifteen day prescription it was about a month before I got the 30 day prescription filled. I just started back on it yesterday. 

All in all I am beginning to feel better. I wasn't fat but I do have some extra pounds I want to shed. 

Yesterday and today my eating better has been put to the test. I snacked on cheese bugles off and on all day Thursday. For some reason I was craving them.  I also ate  cherry cheesecake ice cream and later that night an ice cream cone.  Friday was not much better. I craved sweets all day so I ate two ice cream cones, several hours a part of course.  At least these moments of eating a lot junk food because I crave it does not happen often.

At 2:30am this morning I began craving junk food and my stomach was rumbling. I was good and ate thin slices of chicken and turkey sandwich meat with sticks of colby jack cheese. It hit the spot and filled me up. I still craved something sweet so I ate one chocolate cream filled oreo. Do you know how hard it is to eat just one Oreo? Haha. 

This blog post may not be interesting to you and it may seem silly, but I want to encourage you. If you are trying to lose weight or simply eat healthier, you can do it. And it is ok if like me you give into your junk food cravings every once in a while. 

Feel free to share your eating healthy adventures in the comments below. 

*Quote graphics found on Pinterest. They  belong to their creators. They do not belong to me. I did not make them. Simply using them in my blog post. I do not take credit for them.*

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Random Ramblings

Today has been a good day.  This afternoon my Parents and I went to Hobby Lobby, Lowes, Wal-Mart, and to Michaels.  While Mama and I went in Wal-Mart, Daddy went next door to Sam's.   Can you believe I only picked up two things in Hobby Lobby?  That is a rarity for me. Usually I have the bottom of a shopping cart covered.  I needed a new bead board for making bracelets, so I picked one up, which happened to be the last one on the shelf, and I chose a pretty string of beads that was 40% off.  Not bad!  Total came to $8.00 even.  Another rarity for me. Usually when I shop at Hobby Lobby I spend over $20, how much over that I refuse to say! Haha.

I may have only found two things at Hobby Lobby, but I made up for it at Michaels.  I still came out good price wise compared to what I usually spend in Michaels.   Today was the first time in a few months that I had been to either store.  It was nice.  I enjoy spending time with my Family.  Oh yeah, for lunch we went to Krystals.  Their steak sandwich is good.  

When we got back home I packaged orders to mail tomorrow and began taking photographs of new jewelry and accessories I have made over the past several weeks.  I look forward to posting the new items on my website soon.  More than likely I would still be taking pictures instead of blogging this post, but the battery on my phone died and I am charging it. It just so happens that my Nikon DSLR camera needs to be charged, and my Nikon point and shoot that takes double AA batteries needs new batteries.  So I decided blogging might be fun. 

Last night I was laying in bed browsing Facebook on my phone before going to sleep. Do you do that? Anyway I decided to take some silly quizzes that are popular to take.  Here are some of the results I thought it would be fun to post them.

When I saw the result I did not know whether to laugh or be sad to begin with! A relationship with my laptop?  Unfortunately that is so accurate it is sad in a way, but funny to. I spend a lot of time on my laptop working on my website, updating my Etsy shops, checking email, searching for jewelry making supplies, and blogging.  I use my laptop for other things besides work, but the majority of my time on my laptop is work related.  Can you relate?

Peppermint? I like peppermint.   I don't know how true the results are thought. Yes I realize these things are just for fun and not very accurate most of the time.    Do you take quizzes on Facebook to relax sometimes?
While typing this post I am trying to decide once I finish the post if I am going to lay down and read, or work on my website some more, I have a lot of jewelry, accessories and DIY Supplies that need to be posted.  If you like feel free to check out my website www.MardiRobyn.com  there is a special coupon code on the main page.
My main reason for going into Wal-Mart today was to buy Christian Comedian Chonda Pierce new DVD "Laughing in the Dark." I have wanted to see this movie since I heard about it. Today was it's release date.  I am looking forward to watching it.  I want to watch it for the first time with my Daddy and Mama since we all like her DVD's, or else I would watch it now.  I may blog about it after I watch it. Would y'all like a review?

Well I am not sure what else to blog about. My flow of thoughts I had in the beginning of this post seem to be coming to an end, I suppose that is a good time to stop blogging for now.  I hope y'all have a good night.  Enjoy your Wednesday tomorrow!
God Bless,
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