August 2013.
Life....what is it really? To be alive, to be living. I am alive but, am I living. I am breathing, my heart is beating. I am alive. I am living, but am I living my destiny? I don' t know. I feel there is more to life than what I am living. I know there is. So why am I not living it? Why am I holding myself back, or am I? I am. to truly live is to fully surrender to God. Why have I not surrendered? He brought me back to life for a purpose. I want to know what it is. I want to walk in it. Do it. Become it. I want to live life in Christ where real freedom is found.
Surrender.
Showing posts with label traumatic brain injury series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label traumatic brain injury series. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Ten
January 2013.
Don't worry Mardi!! Stop!! You cannot control anyone. You cannot control everything. Let it go! Life continues. It is not the end of the world. Breath!! Relax!! Stay calm. Give it to God! Only He can work it out for His good and the good of everyone involved. Hold your head up. Don't panic! Smile!! It is going to be alright. I promise, God has you covered. You are safe and secure sheltered from the storm, under His wings so is your Daddy, your Mama, and everyone involved. Breath! You cannot control it. People have the right to make their own choices, even the choices that are not beneficial to them or anyone else. All you can do is give it to God, continue thanking God and praising Him. Trusting in His strength and ability to handle anything. Show the love of God. Be a friend. Be there. Don't fuss that makes it worse. Stay focused. Stay true. God's got this!! Breath!!
The same God who gave you that breath and the breaths that follow has the situation worked out. He knows the outcome. You are safe and so is your family and safe y'all will remain. Fear has no place. Rebuke it in Jesus name. Resist the devil and he will flee. Call on Jesus He will set you free. Hold His hand He understands. I guarantee He is the strength you can feel and see. Rely on Him. He loves you! Be strong! Be brave! God has the final say. You are healed. You are safe. Breath! Jesus made the way! Trust Him and obey. It is the only sure way. Trust and obey Jesus made the way. You are protected. You are loved. Breath.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Don't worry Mardi!! Stop!! You cannot control anyone. You cannot control everything. Let it go! Life continues. It is not the end of the world. Breath!! Relax!! Stay calm. Give it to God! Only He can work it out for His good and the good of everyone involved. Hold your head up. Don't panic! Smile!! It is going to be alright. I promise, God has you covered. You are safe and secure sheltered from the storm, under His wings so is your Daddy, your Mama, and everyone involved. Breath! You cannot control it. People have the right to make their own choices, even the choices that are not beneficial to them or anyone else. All you can do is give it to God, continue thanking God and praising Him. Trusting in His strength and ability to handle anything. Show the love of God. Be a friend. Be there. Don't fuss that makes it worse. Stay focused. Stay true. God's got this!! Breath!!
The same God who gave you that breath and the breaths that follow has the situation worked out. He knows the outcome. You are safe and so is your family and safe y'all will remain. Fear has no place. Rebuke it in Jesus name. Resist the devil and he will flee. Call on Jesus He will set you free. Hold His hand He understands. I guarantee He is the strength you can feel and see. Rely on Him. He loves you! Be strong! Be brave! God has the final say. You are healed. You are safe. Breath! Jesus made the way! Trust Him and obey. It is the only sure way. Trust and obey Jesus made the way. You are protected. You are loved. Breath.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Nine
September 2012.
It is 2:38am I have not been to sleep. My days and nights are mixed up again. I have counseling tomorrow at 1:00pm in Hattiesburg with Mrs. P. As of Monday I dropped my Physical Therapist and my Speech Therapist since we cancelled more appointments then we attended due to me either being sick or having bad days with panic attacks. I now see my brain injury counselor therapist once every two weeks and my Doctor once ever six weeks now instead of four.
Praise God! I know I am recovering.
It is 2:38am I have not been to sleep. My days and nights are mixed up again. I have counseling tomorrow at 1:00pm in Hattiesburg with Mrs. P. As of Monday I dropped my Physical Therapist and my Speech Therapist since we cancelled more appointments then we attended due to me either being sick or having bad days with panic attacks. I now see my brain injury counselor therapist once every two weeks and my Doctor once ever six weeks now instead of four.
Praise God! I know I am recovering.
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Eight
September 2012.
I haven't journaled in a while. My days have been a mixture of good days and bad. The past two weeks more bad than good. My God is still alive and He always will be and by His Son Jesus shed blood I am healed. I believe it. I am seeing positive results and soon I will witness the total victory, well maybe I should rephrase, I have total victory in Christ and soon I will see my complete healing instead of snapshots or thumbnails of the complete picture. God is great. He is awesome. I love Him. I thank Him! I praise Him! He loves me!
I haven't journaled in a while. My days have been a mixture of good days and bad. The past two weeks more bad than good. My God is still alive and He always will be and by His Son Jesus shed blood I am healed. I believe it. I am seeing positive results and soon I will witness the total victory, well maybe I should rephrase, I have total victory in Christ and soon I will see my complete healing instead of snapshots or thumbnails of the complete picture. God is great. He is awesome. I love Him. I thank Him! I praise Him! He loves me!
Traumatic Brain Injury: Post Seven
August 2012.
Yesterday I slept the day away. I finally fell asleep around 9am, woke up at 3pm, went back to sleep, woke up around 6:30pm to check my phone, went back to sleep and then got up around 11pm It is now 3:45am and I am awake but sleepy.
I wish I knew why my journal is falling a part. It is not old. Oh well.
The sun comes up I am wide awake and I feel so alone. It hurts. I am sad. I feel lost, rejected, abandoned. I also am jealous. I hate jealousy. It is a waste of emotion yet, I can't shake it. I feel abandoned. I am hurt. Yet none of my friends I know in person take the time to come see me. This hurts. I guess everyone at sometime in life feels rejected, abandoned and invisible. I wish in so many ways that I could rewind time back to May on Memorial Day. I wouldn't hop on the dirtbike. But it is August almost September and I sit here on the verge of tears because my world is different and I feel all alone. Here comes the tears. Only they won't let me cry as much as I need.
Someone on Facebook encouraged me. I needed the encouragement. I thank God for His blessings on me. I am alive and I have family and friends who love me and for that I am thankful, But, right now I still hurt...
Thank God for encouraging family and friends. For Praise and Worship music.
Thank God for my sister who gave me this quote,
"Stop putting your confidence in outward things. You, are a child of God and He loves you! That gives you worth and value." Joyce Meyer
Yes! Yes! Yes! I am a daughter of the King. I am blood bought and redeemed, no longer bound by sin and shame, Jesus blood it still remains. I am a daughter of the King.
My sister just put a graphic quote on Facebook for me that reads,
"God knows who belongs in your life and who doesn't. Trust God and let go. Whoever is meant to be there, will."
End of Journal Entry.
During this time. I was in a dark depression. Friends my age that I knew in person who lived in Mississippi close to me, that I worked with, I thought would be there for me. I thought they would come see me while I was at home recovering, I was wrong. Through it all, God was with me, and I am thankful that He never leaves me nor forsakes me.
Yesterday I slept the day away. I finally fell asleep around 9am, woke up at 3pm, went back to sleep, woke up around 6:30pm to check my phone, went back to sleep and then got up around 11pm It is now 3:45am and I am awake but sleepy.
I wish I knew why my journal is falling a part. It is not old. Oh well.
The sun comes up I am wide awake and I feel so alone. It hurts. I am sad. I feel lost, rejected, abandoned. I also am jealous. I hate jealousy. It is a waste of emotion yet, I can't shake it. I feel abandoned. I am hurt. Yet none of my friends I know in person take the time to come see me. This hurts. I guess everyone at sometime in life feels rejected, abandoned and invisible. I wish in so many ways that I could rewind time back to May on Memorial Day. I wouldn't hop on the dirtbike. But it is August almost September and I sit here on the verge of tears because my world is different and I feel all alone. Here comes the tears. Only they won't let me cry as much as I need.
Someone on Facebook encouraged me. I needed the encouragement. I thank God for His blessings on me. I am alive and I have family and friends who love me and for that I am thankful, But, right now I still hurt...
Thank God for encouraging family and friends. For Praise and Worship music.
Thank God for my sister who gave me this quote,
"Stop putting your confidence in outward things. You, are a child of God and He loves you! That gives you worth and value." Joyce Meyer
Yes! Yes! Yes! I am a daughter of the King. I am blood bought and redeemed, no longer bound by sin and shame, Jesus blood it still remains. I am a daughter of the King.
My sister just put a graphic quote on Facebook for me that reads,
"God knows who belongs in your life and who doesn't. Trust God and let go. Whoever is meant to be there, will."
End of Journal Entry.
During this time. I was in a dark depression. Friends my age that I knew in person who lived in Mississippi close to me, that I worked with, I thought would be there for me. I thought they would come see me while I was at home recovering, I was wrong. Through it all, God was with me, and I am thankful that He never leaves me nor forsakes me.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Six
August 2012.
Henry Kissinger said "A diamond is merely a lump of coal that has been perfected under pressure."
I wonder if I will become like a diamond polished in my Masters hand when I come through this trial.
Henry Kissinger said "A diamond is merely a lump of coal that has been perfected under pressure."
I wonder if I will become like a diamond polished in my Masters hand when I come through this trial.
Friday, January 18, 2019
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Five
8-23-12
It is 5:33am and I have actually been sleeping! Praise the Lord! I fell asleep around 11:40pm and woke up at 1:37am, I went back to sleep and woke up again at 3:30am. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 5:28am. This is an improvement considering for weeks I would still be awake at this time, not being able to sleep! I didn't sleep much all the past few days. Thank the Lord my sleeping pattern is going back to normal. I believe in Jesus name! I am recovering! All things are possible with my Jesus.
I have therapy today at 1:00pm and 2:00pm with my speech therapist and physical therapist. I wont to stay home and rest, but this is where my determination to get better makes myself get up and go. For now though, I am going to sleep some more. My God is great, He is amazing and I love Him! He loves me! Verse to dwell on Romans 8:28
Therapy today was good and bad, the good news is I will be going to both Physical and Speech Therapy twice a week. Mondays and Thursdays. My Physical Therapist Mrs. J said we will have eight sessions over the next four weeks and she believes that will improve my strength and balance tremendously and we will take it from there. My Speech Therapist Mrs. T said that I am showing improvement and my stubbornness and determination will see me through but I still have a long way to go and it could take longer than anticipated to get back into the swing of things like normal, like before the wreck. However I know my God is a miracle Worker and He can do anything. Nothing is impossible with Him.
End of Journal Entry.
It is 5:33am and I have actually been sleeping! Praise the Lord! I fell asleep around 11:40pm and woke up at 1:37am, I went back to sleep and woke up again at 3:30am. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 5:28am. This is an improvement considering for weeks I would still be awake at this time, not being able to sleep! I didn't sleep much all the past few days. Thank the Lord my sleeping pattern is going back to normal. I believe in Jesus name! I am recovering! All things are possible with my Jesus.
I have therapy today at 1:00pm and 2:00pm with my speech therapist and physical therapist. I wont to stay home and rest, but this is where my determination to get better makes myself get up and go. For now though, I am going to sleep some more. My God is great, He is amazing and I love Him! He loves me! Verse to dwell on Romans 8:28
Therapy today was good and bad, the good news is I will be going to both Physical and Speech Therapy twice a week. Mondays and Thursdays. My Physical Therapist Mrs. J said we will have eight sessions over the next four weeks and she believes that will improve my strength and balance tremendously and we will take it from there. My Speech Therapist Mrs. T said that I am showing improvement and my stubbornness and determination will see me through but I still have a long way to go and it could take longer than anticipated to get back into the swing of things like normal, like before the wreck. However I know my God is a miracle Worker and He can do anything. Nothing is impossible with Him.
End of Journal Entry.
Traumatic Brain Injury Series: Post Four
August, 22, 2012
There is so much I do not understand right now. Everything seems out of sorts, like taking a box, turning it upside down and shaking it. Things are confusing and unknown, but I am learning to trust God.
End of Journal Entry.
During the worst part of the traumatic brain injury, things were very confusing. At times I did not know my name, or the names of the people around me. These moments of confusion would be just that, moments, but they were frustrating. I was learning to trust God, when I didn't trust myself, or my brain because it was scared, shocked, and frightened from the traumatic brain injury.
There is so much I do not understand right now. Everything seems out of sorts, like taking a box, turning it upside down and shaking it. Things are confusing and unknown, but I am learning to trust God.
End of Journal Entry.
During the worst part of the traumatic brain injury, things were very confusing. At times I did not know my name, or the names of the people around me. These moments of confusion would be just that, moments, but they were frustrating. I was learning to trust God, when I didn't trust myself, or my brain because it was scared, shocked, and frightened from the traumatic brain injury.
Traumatic Brain Injury Series Post Three.
I wrote this in my Journal in August of 2012.
There is so much I do not understand right now. Everything seems out of sorts, like taking a box, turning it upside down and shaking it. Things are confusing and unknown but, I am learning to trust God.
A dear sweet lady posted a graphic photo on her Facebook and I needed to read it. The graphic read..
"Whenever you do not understand what's happening in our life, just close your eyes, take a deep breath and say, 'God, I know it is your plan, just help me through it. Amen." ~Anonymous.
I needed to read that quote.
End of journal entry.
Let me stress something. God did not cause my wreck to happen. God did not give me a traumatic brain injury, the devil did. I wrecked because I got on a dirt bike and did not know how to drive one. God allowed it to happen. He warned me not to get on the dirt bike, but I was stubborn and did not listen. The good news is God is taking what the devil mean to harm me and turning it into a testimony of Gods glory and goodness, His faithfulness and proving to me that He loves me.
There is so much I do not understand right now. Everything seems out of sorts, like taking a box, turning it upside down and shaking it. Things are confusing and unknown but, I am learning to trust God.
A dear sweet lady posted a graphic photo on her Facebook and I needed to read it. The graphic read..
"Whenever you do not understand what's happening in our life, just close your eyes, take a deep breath and say, 'God, I know it is your plan, just help me through it. Amen." ~Anonymous.
I needed to read that quote.
End of journal entry.
Let me stress something. God did not cause my wreck to happen. God did not give me a traumatic brain injury, the devil did. I wrecked because I got on a dirt bike and did not know how to drive one. God allowed it to happen. He warned me not to get on the dirt bike, but I was stubborn and did not listen. The good news is God is taking what the devil mean to harm me and turning it into a testimony of Gods glory and goodness, His faithfulness and proving to me that He loves me.
Saturday, January 5, 2019
Traumatic Brain Injury Series Post Two
I wrote this journal entry in August of 2012. I was scared and confused, all a part of a traumatic brain injury. This journal entry is more personal then the first one, as you will see if you continue reading my series, each post will become more personal. This was my pray to Jesus. I was lost, confused, hurt. People I thought were my friends were talking bad about me because of my traumatic brain injury, and making fun of me. It hurt. I needed relief from the pain, and I knew Jesus was and still is the answer today.
Lord God, give me the courage to walk in Your will for my life and not to worry about what people say. Help me not to give in and conform to their ways, but let me conform to You and cling to You always. Help me Jesus. I need You each day. Hold me and don't let me stray.
Lord God, give me the courage to walk in Your will for my life and not to worry about what people say. Help me not to give in and conform to their ways, but let me conform to You and cling to You always. Help me Jesus. I need You each day. Hold me and don't let me stray.
Traumatic Brain Injury Series Post 1.
To begin this series of my traumatic brain injury journey, I think it best to start with some of the writings I did in my journal after my injury. It is through them you can get a deeper look.
This particular journal entry I made in August 2012, almost three months after I wrecked May 28th, 2012. In this post I was reflecting on life before the wreck, and well, so I don't give it away before you get to read the entry, here it is...
As a teenager I would write and journal often. I love to write. In the beginning of my twenties I wrote often and blogged a lot.
Then the real world hit me. I got a job and a new world spread out before me and I quickly and somewhat foolishly found myself opening up to people, neglecting being cautious who I opened up to at work, and neglecting writing and blogging on a daily basis.
That is when the confusion set in. Long story short, not everyone is a friend. A lot of people are nosy and pretend. I learned not to be so naive.
I believe I will be expressing my thoughts and working things out in my mind by writing it on paper again. I find through writing that I am more myself. I am connected with my thoughts and inner feelings and most importantly more time to listen to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is when I write I quiet everything and am more apt to listen. Welcome back to my first love of communicating....writing.
End of journal entry.
You may wonder how this has anything to do with a traumatic brain injury. I will explain. See this was the first journal entry I wrote after my brain injury. It was through expressing myself on paper that I realized writing would help me with my traumatic brain injury. Not everyone would understand, but writing helps clear my confusion. With a traumatic brain injury, especially in the beginning stages I felt out of control. Writing made me feel like I had some control, and it helped me understand what I was going through, which in turn helped me be able to vocalize what I was going through to my Parents, Family, Close Friends, Doctors, Therapists and Counselor.
This particular journal entry I made in August 2012, almost three months after I wrecked May 28th, 2012. In this post I was reflecting on life before the wreck, and well, so I don't give it away before you get to read the entry, here it is...
As a teenager I would write and journal often. I love to write. In the beginning of my twenties I wrote often and blogged a lot.
Then the real world hit me. I got a job and a new world spread out before me and I quickly and somewhat foolishly found myself opening up to people, neglecting being cautious who I opened up to at work, and neglecting writing and blogging on a daily basis.
That is when the confusion set in. Long story short, not everyone is a friend. A lot of people are nosy and pretend. I learned not to be so naive.
I believe I will be expressing my thoughts and working things out in my mind by writing it on paper again. I find through writing that I am more myself. I am connected with my thoughts and inner feelings and most importantly more time to listen to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is when I write I quiet everything and am more apt to listen. Welcome back to my first love of communicating....writing.
End of journal entry.
You may wonder how this has anything to do with a traumatic brain injury. I will explain. See this was the first journal entry I wrote after my brain injury. It was through expressing myself on paper that I realized writing would help me with my traumatic brain injury. Not everyone would understand, but writing helps clear my confusion. With a traumatic brain injury, especially in the beginning stages I felt out of control. Writing made me feel like I had some control, and it helped me understand what I was going through, which in turn helped me be able to vocalize what I was going through to my Parents, Family, Close Friends, Doctors, Therapists and Counselor.
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