. Mardi Robyn Mardi Robyn

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

A View Through My Eyes: Goober and Bama

 


I took this picture around a week after I my chocolate Labrador retriever puppy, Bama. When I would let Bama outside at night to use the bathroom, Goober would watch him. On this particular night my parents and I heard a knock on the sliding glass door. This is what we saw. Goober knocked on the door to let us know it was time to let Bama back inside. He did this several times after this night. I am not sure if he thought I forgot Bama or if he was telling me he was tired of puppy sitting, maybe both!

Thursday, January 13, 2022

A View Through My Eyes: Buddy The Labrador Retriever






 

February 14th, 2005 my parents bought my brother and I a Labrador retriever puppy. We are not sure he was full blooded, but he looks like he could have been.  

We named him Buddy after my Uncle Buddy and after the dog in the “Air Bud,” movies. 

I do not remember how many years we had him. He was a challenging puppy, but sweet. 

Friday, December 31, 2021

Finding Jesus Through The Storm


I'm not going to worry. 

I'm gonna be just fine.

I have my Jesus, He is always by my side.


I've been through the fire, hit my head on an ole brick wall. Jesus revived my life and gave me a brand new song.


Some days I get frustrated. Can't see the end in sight. Feel like giving up, screaming at the top of my lungs God "why me," as if I think I'm something special. Everyone goes through trials. Has pain. Has tears, cries through the night. I'm no exception, I'm fighting my own battles, one punch at a time


Each day I grow stronger. Good days, bad days, a mix of the two. I question God how long will this continue. But God in His infinite wisdom, His mercy, His  grace and unfailing love, holds me in His arms, brings peace and whispers child I'm with you through this storm.


Oh the storm sometime rages. Depression looms like a big black cloud, anxiety tightens around me threatening to squeeze the life out of me. Panic makes my heart rate fast, I feel I can't breath. Confusion sets in, who am I? Why am I hear? Sometime I forgot my own name. Sometimes I don't know who my parents are when they are staring me in the face trying to help ease the pain while the fog is so thick I can't see through the rain.


Then there are times when seizures rear their ugly head. No matter how I try to ward them off, I can't fight the feeling that tells me they are taking over. I try to fight, try to out run them but the harder I try the more they overtake me. After the storm, I feel so ashamed. "Why Lord, why? Must I go through this pain."


Torture, heartache, sleepless nights and tears. God I'm your child. He calms my fears. When my brain gets stuck, I get tongue tied and say one thing meaning another it makes me so mad. I'm a Manning  we never have trouble talking my pride screams.


I get insecure. I hate being ignored. Friends have left me. People didn't understand. They called me names. Said I was faking. My Doctor, the speech therapists, brain injury counselor and Physiatrist I have seen know better than that. People Claimed I tried to commit suicide. No I got on a dirt bike I didn't know how to drive, I panicked and my life has never been the same since. Friends I thought would be there left. I have trust issues. I feel vulnerable. The close friends I have probably get annoyed when I feel clingy or needy after a storm of panic or seizures have hit.


Why do I keep going? I have begged God to let me die. Oh but there is a reason for this season, What the devil meant for evil to harm me, my Jesus made a way. He restored me. He renews me day after day. It is His strength that gets me through and guides me each step of the way.


Jesus has given me a testimony. All the suffering is worth it, if just one person sees Jesus in me. Because He is there. His strength is made perfect in times of weakness. So I will praise Him in this storm. God isn't through with me yet. The devil tried to kill me. But Jesus stepped in and said  "No, this girl is mine and I have a work for her to do."


No matter what you are going through. Don't give up. Cling to Jesus. He will never leave you nor forsake you. That is not a cliche. It is truth. It is real. I know, He is with me everyday. Let Him walk with you through your storm. I promise. He will never let you down.


Written By: Mardi Manning. 

Thursday, December 30, 2021

A View Through My Eyes: Paddy Anne

 




















Depression Is Ugly. Don’t Give Up!

A lot of times you have to do something you don't feel like doing in order to feel better.  It is not a secret that for several years I have battled depression. I am on medication for depression and it helps a lot but there are still days when I have to make myself get up out of bed and do something. I remember in the beginning getting dressed and putting makeup on was an accomplishment. 


Depression is an enemy. It is ugly. It cast shadows over everything in its reach. I would not wish it on the people I dislike the most. It has been a long struggle. I am still battling depression, but because I am living it I can tell you it gets better. The darkest days don't last. I know. 


Depression doesn't hound me like it use to. I want to encourage you no matter how much the ton of depression weighs on you GET UP! It is hard. Your body will fight you, your mind will scream. You may panic, sweat and cry tears, you may get angry and throw things or punch a wall because the depression hurts that bad. I have been there... Do not give in! 


Make yourself get up and do something small each day. Doesn't have to be big. Take a walk, dress up, change rooms, do something! No matter how much the depression fights you and it will, you have within you the ability, the power to speak to it and refuse to let it keep you down. Don't give up! Fight with everything in you. You will get hit around, you will do good and get knocked down, get back up! 


You are worth it and you can overcome! I know, I myself have gone from holding pills in my hands contemplating ending my life, staring at a knife thinking thoughts of harming myself to staying in bed for days drowning out the world and crying all the time, but I am not there anymore.  It is getting better. 


Do not give up!! 


Fight! 


God is on your side. If not for my Jesus, I would not have come this far. It is getting better. I urge you don't give up!

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

Jesus, I Want To Live

I once wanted to disappear 

Living my life in fear

I didn’t want to to be alive

I would cry, God let me die. 


I once was in despair but now I clearly see

Jesus you’re always with me.

I’ll walk in faith as you restore me

Walk before me and use me God for your glory.

Jesus I want to live. 


I don’t want to run and hide

I don’t want to disappear

I don’t want to be invisible 

Letting my light grow dim

I want to shine  your light

Let others see You not me. 


By: Mardi Manning 

Thursday, September 3, 2020

A View Through My Eyes

 I started "A View Through My Eyes" on my blog "I Am A Daughter of the King," when I closed the blog, I began the series on this blog several years ago. I had over 100 posts in the series on my old blog.  Once I started this blog I restarted the series. I did not keep up with the series as I planned.  I think it is past time to start it up again.  I took the following pictures while living in Mississippi.


 

 


Friday, July 24, 2020

Jesus, My Foundation.

Life often throws us curve balls.  A surprise out of no where that rocks our world, turns us upside down and shakes the core of our existence, or so it seems.

When this happens we learn if our house is built on shifting sand or the solid rock of Jesus, as the parable in Matthew 7:24-27.  Are you familiar with the story?

A foolish man built his house on sand, when the winds and the storms came it demolished his house.   A wise man builds his house on rock so when the winds come and try to knock it down and the storms come trying to wash it away, it will stand because the foundation is stronger.  We try to build our lives on a weak foundation, its like building sandcastles in the sand, its fun and entertaining, but when the tide rushes to the shore it crumbles the castles.

As I get older I learn how important it is to build my life on Jesus. The solid rock. As the song goes "All other grounds are shifting sand."

When the storms come, and they will, where is your foundation? Do you trust the world and its fickle foolishness, its ever changing definition of what stability is "suppose" to look like, or do you build your foundation in Jesus who is the solid rock, a firm foundation who we can put our trust in, give our life over to his hands, because He gave his life for us.


Monday, December 2, 2019

Adjusting My Lens

I wrote the following a couple weeks ago. 

I hate seizures. I hate them with a passion.  I am so frustrated at this season in life I cannot adequately put my frustration into words. 

In 2012 I wrecked a dirt bike with resulted in me hitting my head multiple times, I passed out and quit breathing, I died and was brought back to life.  I thank God for that.   I was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and post concussive syndrome (PCS)  along with a list of symptoms that fall under those categories, depression, anxiety and panic attacks just to name a few.  Later I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, (PTSD) and later psychogenic non epileptic seizures. (PNES)

What started out as petite mal seizures turned into grand mal seizures due to a medication a brain injury doctor prescribed.  He would not listen to me when I said the medication was making it worse, he increased the dose saying it just wasn't doing its job at the lower strength. Long story short after three months of this Doctor not listening to me, I went to my family Doctor who was amazing, he listened to me and realized what my parents and I knew, the medication the brain injury doctor put me on was making everything worse. My family doctor weaned me off of it, however it had done its damage and left me with non-epileptic seizures.

They come and go. Lately they have bombarded me with a fierceness and upset my world. I cannot drive until they stop and that irritates me beyond words.   I long to be free and independent again. To go and come as I please.  I feel like life is passing me by and all I am doing is getting older. How am I suppose to fulfill my dreams, my goals, God's plan for my life if I am stuck in a rut of health issues? Am I complaining, yes probably so. Do I want people to feel sorry for me? No.  People say blog what you feel, so that is what I am doing. I have all this pent up irritation I have to let out.

I want to be stubborn and drive anyway, but I cannot. If I have a seizure while driving I could hurt not only myself but someone else and that would be devastating. It is also against the law in Alabama to drive without being free of seizures.  I hate this.  I am thankful I am alive and doing so much better than I was in the beginning but I am aggravated and I feel trapped.

I am praying God shows me an answer. Show me a way of escape. End the seizures and let me live my life.  I have dreamed of being a singer all of my life. I use to travel with my family and sing throughout Alabama and Florida.  I was privileged to be asked to sing places as a soloist. I miss singing so much.  I thought by now I would be in Nashville, but life has a way of stepping on your plans and sometimes you have to take a detour. I'm on a detour and I'm ready to push harder to see my dreams become reality.  I want to fulfill God's plan for my life. How?

There is joy in the journey, right now my joy is out of gas.  I am reminded of an old song sung by a southern gospel group "The Hinsons," it is titled, "Soul Fillin' Station."  I think I need to go visit God's gas station and fill up. I feel empty.  Yes I am a Christian, but I need His peace that passes all understanding. I need Jesus to take back control of my life that I tried taking from Him. I have tried to do it my way for far to long and it hasn't worked.

Seizures are a problem, but maybe they are not the bigger problem, maybe my problem is my focus needs adjusting. As a photographer I like using photography as illustrations, sometimes when I look through the lens of my Nikon, all I see is a blurry mess, it isn't until I adjust the focus that I can see a clearer picture.  It's time I adjust my lens.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Throwback Writings: Writing from 2005

I wrote this in March 2005, I was eighteen.  I'm not sure what I was thinking that inspired me to write it, albeit it isn't my best writing, but here it is.




Joy unspeakable we love to sing, shouting praises to our King. We run around and tell of our days, yet refuse to speak our Saviors name.  Sunday comes were at it again, joy unspeakable we love to sing, shouting praises to our King.  One hour, two hours, maybe three, we’re back to our usual days, laughter, sadness, fun and games, tears yet never do we spread all of Jesus cheer. 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...