One drawback of sleeping most of the day yesterday and last night, is being awake before dawn this morning.
That being the case at the moment, I decided to blog ten random thoughts, whatever pops into mind..oh my!
~I am thinking over the past week and I am still unable to adequately put into words how I feel. At least in a way that satisfies me. I have tried in short on facebook and instagram as some of you have probably seen, but I haven’t let it all out, yet.
~When I don’t know what to blog I blog about blogging more often. Lol I have noticed that is my safety.. I want to change that, and just blog.
~I still struggle with forgiveness. Forgiving some people who hurt me after I wrecked, by their words and actions. I tell myself I have forgiven them, and I truly wish them the best, but at times the hurt they caused comes rushing back to my mind like it was yesterday and I struggle to focus on something else. Maybe forgetting isn’t required of forgiveness. I doubt I will ever forget. Maybe I have really forgiven them, just haven’t completely dealt with the hurt?
~As much as it irritates me that my etsy shop was closed, I look forward to rebuilding. To gaining more focus. Gaining a new perspective. Being a part of watching it grow bigger and better than it was before, by letting God have full control and direct me. It will require a lot of work. But it is an adventure.
~I look forward to this year. By the grace of God I have come so far since I wrecked on Memorial Day. I am excited to see what God has in store this year.
~I want to grow closer to my Jesus. He has been the one constant companion throughout everything I have faced. Yes, there have been my parents, and some true friends online and offline. But there are things I dealt with that only Jesus knows about. Only He can fully understand all the feelings, emotions, and hurts. Please do not misunderstand, I am thankful for my parents, my family and friends who have been there and supported me, but if not for Jesus I would have given up.
~Lately my thoughts wander to the topic of love. To love and be loved. That happy-ever-after. God designed type love. I want that. I know I will have that. Being patient is the key. People say they want to be in-love, but I’m not sure I want to be in-love. I want to love unconditionally. If you can be “in” love isn’t there a possibility of falling “out” of love? I have heard this argument before, and I might agree. I want the kind of love that has no outs. The, I love you forever. Through thick and thin. Come what may, I love you mixed with romantic love. I think that is more stable, than the fleeting one day I love you, the next I love someone else. I want True Love. The kind of love that is a lot like stable, unconditional family love, but it goes deeper, it is a mixture of stability, unconditional, and romantic. In short, the love God intended married couples to have. A God designed love that says “I do forever” and never breaks that vow.
~I believe in miracles. I am a miracle. I am a walking, talking miracle of God’s grace. I am a witness of what God can do. How He can heal someone, bring them through, give them breath and life when hope seems lost. I am a miracle. I am a testimony that nothing is impossible with my God.
~I have experienced God’s peace. I know the beauty it brings. I feel the soothing calmness of His love. I am amazed. To walk in the peace of God is one of the most incredible feelings that leaves you in awe.
~I want others to know God and His love for them. My heart aches at the millions of people who walk in darkness. Who let the world clutter their hearts and mind and turn away from the one true Light, Jesus Christ. I am guilty. I have fallen prey to what the world has to offer. I have tasted its pleasures, and they are fleeting. Millions of people Christians, and non-Christians a-like don’t know how amazing God is. It is sad. Many Christians have a ticket out of hell, but they are still in search of something to soothe their aching soul, because they have yet to let Jesus be in complete control of their lives, to be totally Lord of their life. That is possible. I have lived it. I have walked the road of knowing if I died I would go to heaven because I had professed Jesus as my Savior. I knew He was Lord, the One True Risen King, God's Son. But I didn’t have a relationship with Him like He longs to have with His children. I listened to Him when it was convenient, ignored Him when I did not want to listen. Called out to Him when I needed help, and sometimes shared in the happy moments. I want a deeper relationship with Christ then that. I always did, but I didn’t take the time to dwell on it and start making the change. The wreck I had changed that. It has made me more aware of how desperately I need Jesus in my life. Not just as my escape from a burning hell, but as my constant companion, and best friend. I need Jesus more than I need the air I breath.