I wrote this a few months ago.
I took my little dog Paddy Anne outside earlier tonight, before I could sit her on the steps so she could run into the yard she tried to squirm out of my hands. She does that often, it is as if she thinks she can reach her destination faster than I can carry her. As she was squirming to get down I told her “Don’t jump out of my hands, I can’t protect you if you do.” Keep in mind she weighs a little over two pounds, I’m not tall, but if she jumped she would hurt herself. As the words left my mouth it dawned on me that’s how I do God.
To often I grow impatient with His timing, His leading, His direction and try to jump out of His hands. I try to do it my way. I try to rush Him. I act as if I know better than He does. I know He knows best, but I become frustrated because I do not always see what He is working out for my good. I don’t always see what He is protecting me from or how His plans will unfold. I don’t always know which way He will tell me to go when He asks me to be patient and trust Him. That’s hard. Trust is not one of my strong points. I do not trust easily. Yet, I find I am trusting God more and more. He never lets me down. He never fails me.
There have been times in my life I have walked away from His leading, walked outside of His protection. Before you get a religious attitude with that statement and tell me God always protects us, let me clarify, sometimes God will tell us not to do something and we do it anyway and end up getting hurt. God can protect us and He does but, He also gives us free will. Sometimes we choose opposite of what He says is safe. I will give you an example, before I wrecked a dirt bike years ago, God spoke to my spirit a week in advance that I would wreck if I didn’t pay attention. I did not listen and thought He meant I would wreck my vehicle, so I prayed and drove extra careful all week. The day I wrecked the dirt bike God warned me several times not to get on the bike. I was stubborn. I got on the bike anyway, twice the bike would not start. I heard the Holy Spirit loudly speak to my spirit as if He was standing beside me telling me do not try again. I ignored His warnings and I wrecked. I had free will and I chose not to listen to God when He told me not to do it.
Now, let me tell you how good my God is. I died that day. May 28, 2012, I hit my head multiple times. I quit breathing for several minutes, turned blue, had convulsions and was gone. I remember before I quit breathing I felt a sweet, gentle, peaceful breeze across my face. Before my eyes closed I looked up at the trees and the sky, the wind was not blowing. It was a hot day. I felt the Holy Spirit and the peace only Jesus can give. I wasn’t afraid.
I vividly remember how it felt when my spirit left my body and what it felt like when my spirit reentered my body and God brought me back to life. I came back to life hollering Jesus with my hands in the air and speaking in tongues. Some people say speaking in tongues isn’t for today. You came by too late to tell me that. I experienced it. I have no doubt it was God. He brought me back to life.
The goodness of God is amazing. Even though I ignored God’s warnings and I disobeyed His voice, He still chose to bring me back to life. My Daddy and brother-in-law tried to revive me. My Daddy is trained in CPR, he taught classes on it for many years. Nothing worked. Daddy prayed and God intervened.
God isn’t finished with me. He proved it that day and many times since then. He could have left me with the results of that wreck. I could have had a traumatic brain injury for the rest of my life like many specialists said I would, but God had the final say.
God sent His Son Jesus to not only pay for my sins, but He paid for my healing when He took stripes and died on a cross for me. I cannot begin to fathom why He loves me. I cannot begin to fathom why He showed mercy on me and healed me completely, but He did and I will forever be thankful and give Him the glory, the honor and the praise.
After all I have been through, sometimes I still struggle with trusting God. I get in a hurry. I want a detailed plan. I want Him to write me out a map and tell me where He is leading me. I want Him to tell me when He will use me again. I want Him to give me a tracking number on the man He has planned for me to marry. I want to know where he is and when he will arrive. I want to know when I will get married and have children whether it be by birth, adoption or both. I want to know the future of my business, and what He wants me to do in this season I am walking in. I want to know right this minute.
He asks me to be patient. To trust Him, to walk in His wisdom. His ways are not my ways. His plans are not my plans. He knows what He is doing and how He is going to do what He promised me years ago. He asks that I trust Him. That I walk where He guides, that I stay sheltered under His wings and not try to squirm out of His embrace. I know He is faithful. He has proven His faithfulness to me time and time again. He didn’t have to, but He did and continues to everyday.
I cannot grasp the mystery of God. I cannot completely understand how marvelous He. The depths of His love for me, for you, is unfathomable. He sent His only son to die for me. If God loved me enough to do that, then I have no doubt He loves me enough to lead me and not withhold what He has planned and bring it to pass in His timing.
I want to walk within God’s protection, and follow His direction. I cannot do this life on my own. I tried. I failed, thank God He forgives. He heals. He redeems. His love is unmeasurable. Nothing compares to the love God has for us. God is faithful.
It also amazes me that at times when I have walked away from God’s leading, He still protected me from things.
If you are pulling away or have pulled away from God, stop. Let Him lead you. He won’t fail you. He isn’t mad at you. He loves you.
